enneagram one.

I’m an enneagram one.

Now, if you’re unfamiliar with enneagram ones, here is a high level overview:
– moral perfectionists
– strong sense of right and wrong
– reformers
– always fair, principled and organized
– driven

I’ve fought that number in my mind for awhile. Which is ironic because ones struggle to find the balance of perfectionism.
And, in my mind, ones were not what I claimed as “perfect.”
In the past few weeks, however, a shift has started to take place in my heart. I no longer look at myself as somehow flawed as a one, but rather, the blessing being a one actually is.
I’m seeing my perfectionism as a benefit to our ministry, my drive to move in excellence as an opportunity to be an example, and my inner voice a strong certainty in a world of chaos.

Have you listened to the enneagram songs yet? Sleeping at Last has written them (except nines, although I am sure they are saving the best for last) and they are beautifully done. Not surprisingly, when I listed to the song for ones, I cried. To me, this song demonstrates the passionate drive ones possess, and the process of letting go while leaning into Gods grace.

hold on for a minute
cause I believe that we can fix it over time
every imperfection is a lie
or at least an interruption
i’m not saying perfect exists in this life
but we’ll only know for certain if we try
i want to sing a song worth singing

i’ll write anthem worth repeating
i want to feel the transformation
the melody of reformation
the list goes on forever
of the ways i could be better in my mind
as if i could earn Gods favor given time
or at least congratulations
i have learned my lesson
the price of this so called perfection is everything
i’ve spent my whole life searching desperately
to find out grace requires nothing of me.
i’ll hold it all more loosely and yet somehow much more dearly
cause i’ve spent my whole life searching desperately
to find out grace requires nothing of me.

___ ___ ___
God designed us in His image. Unique. Beautiful. Set apart.
And these gifts He has given us, He beautifully uses (as only He can). Today I’m thanking Him for creating me with a moral compass and a strong voice. I challenge you to look at the aspects of your personality that perhaps you have torn apart, and ask yourself – how are these aspects a blessing for God? Ask Him to show you if you don’t know.
He will.
And I guarantee He will surprise you in what He reveals.

the love of the father

I’m in a season where I am fighting to know how loved and valuable I am by Father God. Not just know, but truly be seen as LOVED by Him.
Part of me wants to say that the enemy is waging war against my identity, but sometimes I think we give satan more credit than he deserves. I believe that there are situations that have happened to us in our life that have hurt us, and we have carried those hurts with us into adulthood. These hurts typically lie at a subconscious level, oftentimes stewarded from the time of birth into early childhood. Because of this, people are unable to identify their presence.
Until we allow healing from the Holy Spirit to fully cover those hurts, they are still there manifesting when the enemy of our souls decides its time to kick us where it hurts. Once he does this, we tend to run with it and allow the hurt to take control. Satan doesn’t have to do anything else after this point.
— — —
So, in all honesty, that is where I am right now. Just feeling kicked and finding things in my every day that fan the flame to those hurts.
But this is what I am standing on:
” For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh (for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds); casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 ASV