healthy things grow.

Over Christmas, Robert got me a VHS player (aka VCR). It may seem like an odd gift, but he wanted me to be able to re-watch all the VHS tapes I had made when our kids were young. Eventually, we will have these converted to DVD’s, but we have so many so this was just easier – and more cost effective! 🙂
As we watched these videos as a family, I was taken aback on my insecurity. To the average eye, you would not have picked it up. But to me, I could see it as easily as I could see my bad haircuts. I mimicked my best friends laugh because I so badly wanted to be her (and she has the cutest laugh!). She knew how to let loose and have more fun. She was confident, and didn’t stress over the mess or any gained weight. To me, she was free.
I was self conscious and wanted to be anyone but me.
Sometimes I still feel like I’m that young mom. Just wanting to know who I am. Hating when I get overlooked or passed by. Feeling fat. Feeling like I am in the way.
But, here is the thing: I only feel like that when I am not planting myself to healthy roots. God’s roots.
Havilah Cunnington says: ‘When we begin living planted by God’s design, connected to His spirit, we live a completely different life. We have life in the deepest parts of our being. We are no longer subject to the world’s messages, dependent on what others say or think about us. We no longer need life to work out just right so we “feel good” about it. We now have an unlimited source of comfort, connection, and confidence coming from the inside of us.’
There are so many writers that say it’s enough to simply say you are enough, but I disagree with that. We cannot know we are enough until we know our Creator.
How many of you have had that moment? The moment, wether in church or in a quiet time, where the presence of Father God hits you. And it hits you hard. It’s as if you can see yourself fully alive in the spirit. You know who you are. You know how loved you are. Your mind is suddenly alive with potential.
Not just once a week or once a month. Our lives are meant to live in that secret place, in the spirit, moving and living a life full of God’s overwhelming love for us.
Where we know who we are, and whose we are.
Romans 8:11 says
“If the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he that raised up Christ Jesus from the dead shall give life also to your mortal bodies through his Spirit that dwells in you.”
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So, today I am choosing to live in that secret place. In the sprit that dwells in me. Because without having Jesus as the center of my life, the source of all things, I will live disconnected from the source of all life. And, friends, I hate that girl who doesn’t know how loved she is by Father God. But I DO love the girl that thrives and loves so well under HIM who created me.

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